


and wouldn’t you love to love her?

by wrappedinmagic



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Lots of Angst, Slow Burn, both nicole and waverly's pov, both of them are oblivious, but also fluff, nicole is in deep denial, no supernatural, waverly just doesn't know how she feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-01 06:31:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16279445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrappedinmagic/pseuds/wrappedinmagic
Summary: Nicole Haught has known that she's not straight for a while but she cannot consciously accept it. After denying it for years, this past summer it's become too hard, she can't force her feelings for Waverly down any longer, but she refuses to be the only person in Purgatory who isdifferent.Waverly Earp has been on and off with Champ Hardy for years. She thinks she could love him one day, maybe see a future if she squints her eyes real tight. But her best friend, Nicole, has started to pull away from her and she doesn't know why. All she knows is she can't let the one person in the world who truly sees and knows her, pull away.





	1. have mercy baby (on a poor girl like me)

**Author's Note:**

> -Nicole-

When Nicole Haught’s alarm went off the morning of her first day of senior year, she pulled her covers over her face and tried to bury herself into non-existence. As her alarm kept buzzing, she knew that once again, the universe hadn’t been thwarted by her. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to go to school, she liked school. She was a good student with near perfect grades, she was a star on the basketball team. She was even fairly popular, though she didn’t like to think of herself as such. She just didn’t want to face her feelings, and therefore herself, this morning.

Groaning, she threw the covers off of her face and reached across her bed to turn the alarm off. She wasn’t one of those people that abused her snooze button — she was in no way interested in delaying the inevitable.

She buttoned up her trademarked red and black flannel; it was now cold enough in Purgatory that a flannel was appropriate attire. It had nothing to do with the fact that her closet looked, ironically, like a Purgatory Pride explosion, though she didn’t like to think of it that way. All of her clothes were maximally practical, in her opinion.

Her mom wasn’t there when she went downstairs for breakfast. This wasn’t a surprise to her, though, her mom was rarely home, what with her constant early mornings and out of town business meetings, the usual recipe for the loving-but-absent mother. Her father wasn’t in the picture, and hadn’t been for a long time. Nicole had made peace with the fact long ago, though, and there was surely no love lost for him.

She grabbed her travel mug from the cabinet and filled it with the left over black coffee her mom must have made that morning before she left for work. It was chipped and worn, a faded design of Parisian cafes familiar in her grip. It was funny that a mug like that would be her most loved, she had never had the desire to travel, to leave the Ghost River Triangle. But, it was a gift from Waverly. She could remember the day Waverly gave it to her like it was yesterday, and she smiled.

 

* * *

 

Four years ago, Nicole was a freshman in high school. Waverly was a year behind her, still in middle school, even though she was miles ahead of even her most intelligent peers. When January 5 rolled around, Nicole’s birthday, her mom hadn’t been in town. She was away on some business trip, Nicole couldn’t remember where it was this time. When Nicole had gone downstairs that morning she found an envelope on the counter with a card expressing how sorry she was that she couldn’t be there for her ‘little girl’s’ birthday, and a wad of cash. It was okay though, Gus and Curtis had invited her over to spend her birthday with them, and Wynonna and Waverly.

When Curtis arrived in her driveway in his old blue and white pickup, Nicole walked out of her house and faced a very familiar sight. Curtis was at the wheel messing with his stereo, and Waverly (who had insisted on coming even though it was only a five minute drive) was arguing with Wynonna in the bench seat over who would get to sit next to Nicole and who had to sit next to Curtis. As Nicole walked over, a smile playing on her face, Waverly glanced toward the house and her face lit up. She smiled with her whole face, happiness crinkling her eyes into tiny crescent moons. She waved vigorously and yelled “Happy birthday, Nicole!” Nicole smiled and waved back. When she got to the car and climbed into the passenger side, Wynonna and Waverly’s seating argument was put to an end, and Wynonna smiled smugly as she had ended up next to Nicole.

“Happy birthday, Girl,” Curtis said as he put the truck into reverse. “Fourteen. That’s a big one. Almost old enough to drive yourself over to the Homestead.” Before Nicole was able to answer him, Wynonna snorted. “Yeah, you mean old enough to get a car and become my personal chauffeur. That, or I can conveniently finish high school early.”

Nicole scoffed, but shot Wynonna a good natured “In your dreams.” They pulled up to the Homestead in silence, Fleetwood Mac thrumming on the radio. Curtis had no interest in music that was produced after 1988, it seemed, but Nicole kind of liked it. A different time.... She wondered what her life would’ve been like growing up in the ‘80s, listening to music like this on the radio, going to a school with no computers or cell phones (she realizes Purgatory’s High School wouldn’t have invested in computers until the late ‘90s — they tended to be a bit slow on the draw), cassettes instead of streaming music. She dismissed the thought with a shake of her head as Curtis cut the ignition. She got out of the car and walked in-step with Wynonna to the front porch. She waited for Waverly to catch up knowing she would be mad if they didn’t wait for her, and unlike Wynonna, she didn’t very much mind the younger Earp’s company.

“Hey, Birthday Girl, what do you want to do today?” Waverly asked breathlessly as she trotted up the stairs to stand next to Nicole.

“The _Birthday Girl_ and I will be watching a movie. In my room. _Alone_.” Wynonna said. Nicole could see the beginnings of a pout bloom on Waverly’s face, and she was quick to mention that the living room was probably a better option because the television was bigger and they had easier access to the kitchen which meant snacks. She was careful not to spare a glance at Waverly as she said this because she wanted Wynonna to think that Nicole made this point selfishly with only the two of them in mind. She knew Wynonna was too oblivious to expect anything else. At the mention of snacks, though, her mind was made up. It didn’t take much.

“If you guys are going to be in the living room, then I get to come, too. Curtis said so.” Waverly said to her sister, her expression daring Wynonna to question their uncle’s authority.

“Fine,” Wynonna huffed. “But, you don’t get any say in the movie choice, got it?”

They ended up choosing _Lilo and Stitch_. When Waverly mentioned it, Nicole automatically said that yes, it was her favorite movie. That wasn’t completely true, though. She enjoyed it for what it was, and she liked the music, but mostly she said she wanted to watch it because she knew how much Waverly loved it. All she knew was that she liked to see Waverly happy. She didn’t know why but it made her smile and her insides warm. But it was probably just the hot chocolate Curtis had made for them.

After the movie and dinner (pizza, Nicole’s favorite meal; vegan for Waverly), it was time for gifts. Gus and Curtis were kind enough to give her a card, a few t-shirts, and a copy of _Carry On_ by Rainbow Rowell. Her heart swelled with the knowledge that they were listening when she talked about how much she enjoyed the book after checking it out of the school library and reading it. After was Wynonna’s gift, and in true Wynonna fashion, it was something that would benefit them both — _Resident Evil 5_ for Nicole’s PlayStation. “It has two-player mode,” Wynonna had added with a grin. Nicole thanked her, but not before Gus had some words with Wynonna and Curtis about exactly how she had come by a Mature rated video game.

The night ended with a classic Wynonna and Nicole sleepover, where Wynonna starts snoring on the couch a few minutes after she’s finished her dessert, in this case, birthday cake. While Gus and Curtis washed the dishes, Waverly tip-toed towards Nicole, so as not to wake Wynonna, and tapped her on the shoulder.

“Hey,” she whispered. “I never gave you your gift.”

Nicole got up from the couch and followed Waverly quietly to her room.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Waves.”

“I know, silly. But, I wanted to. Your birthday should be special.” Waverly handed her a perfectly wrapped cylindrical package. As Nicole began to pull at the edges to maintain the integrity of the unicorn wrapping paper (a gift in itself), Waverly self-consciously added, “It’s not much, but I know you’ve started drinking coffee and I thought you might want to bring it to school in the mornings, but if you don’t like it, I can bring it back, I just thought —”

“Wave, stop. It’s perfect. Paris?” Nicole asked with wide eyes and a small smile.

“Yeah, Paris is so beautiful and it has such a rich culture. I’ve always wanted to visit. I don’t know, I just thought of you when I saw it,” Waverly said sheepishly, breaking eye contact with Nicole.

“I love it. Thank you, Waverly. So much,” Nicole said, which made Waverly’s eyes shine with pride and happiness. As Nicole looked down at the mug, charcoal colored with white designs, she smiled. She knew intuitively that this gift was her favorite of them all, but she didn’t bother to confront the thought. Because, it was as soon as Nicole began to address those thoughts, that her life turned upside down.

 

* * *

 

With her old mug full of fresh coffee, Nicole grabbed her keys and her bag, and got into her her car ready to face her first day of senior year.

 

* * *

 

As Nicole pulled into the Homestead driveway, she turned down the radio in her bright red Pontiac G5 and put the car in park. She hated red, she already had enough of the color every time she looked in the mirror. No, if she had had her choice, it would’ve been blue. But, when she had come down the stairs on the morning of her fifteenth birthday, it had been waiting there for her, in all it’s aggressively crimson glory, with a flashy silver bow across the front hood. That was the last birthday her mom had been home for, each one since she’d been out of town.

When she’d gotten her drivers’ license and the car, picking up Wynonna and Waverly for school had become a regular occurrence. She didn’t mind, though. She was able to make sure that Wynonna would be at school every day, no matter how much she didn’t want to be. She also got to see Waverly. Outwardly she’d curse her car for having only two doors and forcing her to get out to push down the seat for access to the back row so that Waverly could get in. Wynonna was far too lazy to get out of the car once she’d gotten in, so the job had been Nicole’s as long as she’d had the car. Inwardly, though, Nicole was thankful for the little bit of extra time she got to be with Waverly.

She smiled and shook her head when she heard Wynonna yelling at Gus inside the house. She came out a moment later, toting her backpack on her shoulder, making it seem like it was much heavier than it truly was since it was the first day of school and her bag was empty. She got in the passenger side of the car with a huff and slammed the door.

“Rough morning?’ Nicole asked knowingly. Most mornings were rough for people who hated mornings.

“You don’t know the half of it.” Wynonna said. She then launched into a story about how Gus had woken her up four minutes before her alarm had been set for, and how that had absolutely _ruined_ her entire day. Nicole was only half listening because it was then that Waverly walked out the front door, her backpack bursting at the seams with what Nicole could only imagine was every school supply known to man. She unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car so she could push down the seat.

When Nicole stepped aside to let Waverly in, she flashed her a smile as bright as the sun that was peaking over the Homestead and said, “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Nicole breathed. Once they were all in the car, she put it in reverse and pulled out of the driveway, and started towards the high school. Wynonna had finished her story about her tragic morning, and Waverly didn’t let the silence last for more than a second before she asked how they were feeling about their first day of senior year.

“Oh, so great. I’ve been waiting all summer for this day. It couldn’t come fast enough. And here it is! Nicole, drive faster, woman!” Wynonna demanded with mock-seriousness, glancing back at a slightly annoyed Waverly in the rear view mirror.

Nicole shrugged and kept her eyes on the road. “I don’t know. I guess I don’t hate the idea of going back. Wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m excited, though. What about you? First day of Junior year already.” She was quick to lead the conversation away from herself, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Besides, she truly wanted to know the answer. Not only that, she knew Waverly had so much to say that she could easily talk about it for the rest of the ride to school. Which she did.

“Oh I’m so excited! I’m taking seven AP classes this year. The most interesting of which is obviously Environmental Science. Oh, and history. Yeah, that’s definitely the most interesting one. I love history. I really hope the curriculum has room for some local history — you know like Wyatt Earp, obviously. Gosh, Purgatory has so much history attached to it and everyone just ignores it! I can’t wait until I get to college when I can make my own curriculum and study all the history I want, get my PhD with a thesis on Wyatt Earp and the outlaws he killed.” She kept talking about it as Nicole pulled into the parking lot. She had stopped counting the amount of times Waverly had said the word ‘history’ once it reached about fifty. It wasn’t until she took her key out of the ignition and pushed back her seat for Waverly to get out of the car that she stopped talking about college. And history.

It was one of the things Nicole most admired about Waverly. She could take the thing people hate the most and turn it into somewhere you wanted to be or something you wanted to do. But not loved. It wasn’t something she loved about Waverly. It couldn’t be something she loved.

No, Nicole was not willing to tell her waking brain that that was what she was truly feeling. It wasn’t that she was homophobic in any way. It was that it couldn’t be _her_ truth. She couldn’t, wouldn’t be the one person in Purgatory who was _different_. She had one more year here before college, she could figure it out then. But not here, not now. Not when one of her closest friendships was at risk. _Both_ of her closest friendships. And besides, happiness is for the birds. She could fake it, come as close as she could for her last year home, and then when she was gone, she could deal with it then. But as for now, the simple answer was nope. Keep herself and her feelings distant from Waverly. Put her focus on her studies and basketball. Get a scholarship. Get to college, somewhere in the Big City. Not out of the Triangle, she couldn’t truly leave, but far enough away that Waverly wasn’t always a five minute drive down the road.

But that wasn’t for her to think about now. It was time for school. She hoisted her bag onto her shoulder and closed the door, saying goodbye to Waverly who ran off to catch up with Chrissy Nedley and Jeremy Chetri. Chrissy was nice, she was the Sherrif’s daughter. She’d been friends with Waverly before she was a popular cheerleader, before it was cool to be friends with her. Nicole appreciated the fact that Waverly had someone who really cared about her, unlike Champ Hardy. _Champ_ , what kind of name was that anyway? Clearly he was someone compensating for other, more personal issues. Always vying for Waverly’s attention, asking her on dates, becoming possessive and mean when she said yes. Nicole hated him for a multitude of reasons, but mostly it was just that he was a misogynistic D-bag who was certainly not worth Waverly’s time. Jeremy, though, he was sweet, and _not_ interested in Waverly. Occasionally Nicole had caught him throwing glances Dolls’s way, but she didn’t think too far into it. It was just wishful thinking that someone out there would be like her. No. No one in Purgatory is, Nicole. Stop making excuses for yourself. Wait until you’re away from Waverly.

“Yeah, so I’m going to go find Doc. See ya in calc.” Wynonna said as she walked away, scanning the parking lot for John Henry’s sparkling red car. He loved that thing. Drove it up to the Homestead the day he got it, grinning like a madman, exclaiming “Is she red enough?” He even named it. Charlene. She had no idea where that had come from. And Wynonna had told her that when she had gone to change the radio station, Doc slapped her hand away and told her that if she touched that radio she’d lose the hand. It seemed a little bit much to Nicole, but to each his own. They both knew he’d never do any such thing, he practically worships the ground Wynonna walks on.

She shook her head and walked into Purgatory High School.

By lunch Nicole had gathered that this year wouldn’t be too awful. She had calculus and history with Wynonna. The history teacher, Mr. Hamilton, didn’t seem too bad. A little old fashioned but it didn’t seem like the class would present much of a challenge — but if it did, they had Waverly to help them out. The calculus teacher, though, Ms. Lucado, seemed tough. Nicole had never been outstanding at math, it just didn’t click with her the way science or literature did. Amazingly, though, Wynonna really had a knack for it. Nicole had no idea where that came from because Wynonna could never be bothered to apply herself in her studies, but she just understood math. Study parties at the Homestead would definitely be a thing this year. Lit seemed like a breeze. She hadn’t had biology, art, or physical education yet.

She sat down at the lunch table with her “chicken patty” in between Wynonna and Dolls. On Wynonna’s other side was Doc, with his old fashioned western-looking hat, which Nicole didn’t understand the appeal of at all. That and his attempt at a mustache...they left much to be desired. But, good for Wynonna and whatever they had going on. Across from Nicole was Waverly with her perfectly packed vegan lunch, Chrissy Nedley on her right, Champ on her left, and Jeremy was on the other side of Chrissy. She had no idea how Champ had ended up next to Waverly or if this would be a regular occurrence, but she for one, hoped to whatever god was up there that it wouldn’t be. He laid his arm over her shoulder, pulling Waverly into his side, and with what Nicole was sure he hoped was a charming smile asked, “Hey, babe, do you have plans this weekend? Because me, Pete, and Kyle are going to Steph Jones’s party on Saturday and you should come with me.”

Waverly rolled her eyes very slightly. “I thought I _asked_ you not to call me babe? And I don’t know, Champ, Stephanie Jones doesn’t like me very much.”

“Sorry, baby. But, no, of course she likes you! And besides you don’t even have to talk to her. Her parents are going to be out of town so there will be plenty of unoccupied bedrooms in the house.” He waggled his eyebrows at her and Nicole fought back the bile rising in her throat. She could see Waverly’s obvious discomfort waging war with her deep seated desire to fit in with the popular crowd.

“Fine, I’ll go. But we are not doing _anything_ in anyone’s bedroom.” Waverly said, looking down at her falafel that was still wrapped up, uneaten.

“Champ, you had better watch yourself with my sister, or I’ll make sure you get a room with a view in your lower intestine.” Wynonna shot Champ daggers after seeing Waverly’s response, or lack thereof, to his advances. “In fact, that party sounds great. Doc and I will be coming as well. And Nicole, you’ll be there, too.”

“I will do what? Oh, no no no, Wynonna. I will not go to that party, I will not go to any party. I have plans. Saturday night? Yeah, plans,” Nicole rambled shaking her head vigorously back and forth, her red hair all she could see.

“Really, Nicole? You haven’t had a single plan in the seventeen years you’ve been alive. You don’t have plans,” Wynonna said.

“Yes I do. I have to feed the cat.”

“Is that a euphemism?” Wynonna asked. “And you don’t even have a cat.” She looked at Waverly and whispered, “She doesn’t have a cat, right?” Waverly shook her head no, Nicole doesn’t have a cat. “You don’t have a cat. You’re coming with us.” Nicole groaned dramatically and laid her forehead on the table in utter defeat. Some of her hair got in the juice of what was passing as a chicken patty and without thinking, Waverly reached across the table and brushed it out of the way. Nicole looked up at her shyly, breaking eye contact quickly as her face began to heat up.

Jeremy seemed to find that this was the perfect moment to add to the conversation, “Am I invited, too? I’ve never been to a party like this before, well, really any party before. But I bet it’s a fascinating anthropological setting, watching teenagers in their natural habitat. I mean, yes, I am one, but I’m, you know, not really one because I don’t really fit in with all of you so this would be a great opportunity. Hey, Dolls, why don’t you come with us?” He added with hopeful eyes.

“Yeah, Jake, I’m going to have to go with no on that one,” Champ snorted before Dolls could answer.

“Hey!” Waverly glowered at Champ, “His name is _Jeremy_ , and if he’s not invited then I am sure as hell not going.”

Champ looked irritated at being boxed into a corner and muttered, “Fine.”

Nicole could see Waverly shoot a quick _I’m sorry_ to Jeremy when no one else was looking. She felt bad for him. He was a good kid, a little nerdy, sure, but he was nice and always a good friend to those around him. Waverly certainly needed that because she was always looked at one of two ways, in Nicole’s opinion. The first way that people looked at her was as “Wynonna’s Sister”. The youngest Earp, kid sister to the bad-seed, the bad-student, the rowdy older Earp with questionable morals. Once her teachers had already had Wynonna, they’d look at Waverly with slight disdain, regardless of the reputation that preceded her as a good student and an all-around nice person, knowing all about how terrible a student Wynonna was, as she didn’t pay attention or do her work. They didn’t understand how someone growing up in the same home could be that different, especially from the older sibling who usually acts as a behavior model to younger siblings, no matter what the other teachers said. The second way was as “The Girl Champ Hardy Has His Eye On”. Once Champ Hardy decided way back in freshman year of high school, when she had made the cheerleading team and he had actually noticed her for the first time, that Waverly was worth pursuing, her popularity level skyrocketed. Yes, she’s Wynonna’s sister, people would think, but Champ Hardy thinks she’s hot, and if he likes her then she’s someone we need to hang out with. No, they didn’t see her as Waverly Earp. They thought of her as someone else’s something. And Nicole, for one, thought that was a damned shame because Waverly Earp was a really great person.

She spent the rest of her lunch mulling over those thoughts as conversations continued at the table. She picked at her meal but it was in no way appetizing and Nicole was afraid that she might be poisoned if she ate too much of it. As the bell signaling the end of the period went off, she got up mechanically and threw her tray out, not paying much attention to her surroundings as she turned to walk out of the cafeteria. It wasn’t until she was almost inside the garbage can that she realized she’d bumped into Waverly, who was on her way to throw away her trash, not that there was much of it (she’d recently been throwing around phrases like “waste not, want not” and “start the wave”, though Nicole had no idea what on earth the latter referred to). The next thing Nicole knew, Waverly’s hands were on her shoulders, green eyes looking into her own with concern, “I’m so sorry, Nicole! Hey, are you okay? You seem kind of out of it.”

“No, yeah, I’m good. Thanks,” Nicole said, ignoring the buzzing in her veins and the warmth radiating over every inch of skin from her shoulders out. She broke eye contact and made a beeline for the hallway, on auto pilot as she found her way to the bathroom.


	2. caught up inside (both happy and lonely)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Waverly~

Waverly had no idea what was up with Nicole. First, they’d been in the car together and she hadn’t joked with Wynonna, which she always did. She usually didn’t get annoyed with Wynonna and her sass like almost everyone around her tended to. She’d also directed the conversation quickly away from herself. That’s not to say that Nicole often kept the subject on herself but, it was unlike her not to expound on her feelings about an important day in her life. Then at lunch, she had been quiet and reserved, paying so little attention to herself and those around her that Waverly had almost knocked her into the garbage can. Not only that, but as soon as Waverly tried to help her out, she’d bolted like there was a fire under her ass and couldn’t get out of her grip fast enough.

 

It was just...completely unlike Nicole to do all of this. And, in Waverly’s experience, having known Nicole for over six years now, it couldn’t be explained by first day jitters. To be fair to Nicole though, this lunch had set her own stomach churning as well. Champ had always seemed like the guy to be with. He was charming and nice, when he wanted to be, he had all the girls in school fawning over him, but he wanted _her._ And for the most part Waverly liked him. She could see herself, maybe one day, falling in love with him. And selfishly or not, she kind of liked being his center of attention. She had spent so much of her life before high school invisible — to her classmates, and to her family (bar Wynonna, but she wasn’t usually at home much, often out with Doc when Ward got too drunk or too violent). After Ward died, and took Willa with him when Waverly was ten (right around the time she’d met Nicole) in a drunk driving accident that was a long time coming, her and Wynonna moved in with Gus and Curtis. It had gotten better, Gus and Curtis did the best that they could with what they had, and they were good to her and Wynonna, no matter how difficult she could be. But Waverly couldn’t shake the feeling that all the people in her life looked past her, to Wynonna, to the more popular girls in their class, to everyone.

 

When she met Nicole, though, she found the one person in her life that didn’t seem to look past her. Yes, she was Wynonna’s best friend first and foremost, but she always made a (usually successful) effort to include Waverly in their activities. For two whole years, the only person who really saw her, who got Wynonna to see her, was Nicole. Then high school came around. She made the cheerleading team easily, and Champ had noticed her for the first time. It was good, she told herself. She was making friends all by herself, she was on the brink of having her first ever boyfriend. It was good. She didn’t know any different, she thought that maybe this could be what true happiness felt like, and maybe she was starting to feel true love. To her, it wasn’t all the movies and books she’d read cracked it up to be. It was more...dull. When she kissed Champ for the first time, the summer between Freshman and Sophomore year of high school, she had expected fireworks and gotten a sparkler. Maybe two. It was just not what she had expected it to be, but she was content with what was there, because she _didn’t know any better_. And as high school progressed, it became better. She was more comfortable with him, though not comfortable with how many times he had expressed…explicit…interest in other girls. Girls like Stephanie Jones.

 

Waverly guessed she could see herself spending the rest of her life with Champ. A life full of cheating and drinking, and him being unable to truly understand who she was. But did she deserve better? She didn’t know. No one else was throwing themselves at her and now one of her best friends, maybe her best friend (though she wouldn’t admit that to Nicole) was pulling away from her and she didn’t know why. All she knew was that she couldn’t lose Nicole’s presence in her life. Nicole was the only one who kept her grounded, sane, seen. Nicole who had tried and tried again to insist that Waverly could do better than Champ but couldn’t see what Nicole saw in her. All she knew is that she wanted to see what Nicole thought was so redeemable about herself, what made her better than a piece of ass, the head cheerleader with the popular boyfriend and nothing more. She needed Nicole to not pull away because if she did, Waverly didn’t know who might be left in her wake. What kind of Waverly would she be? Because the girl that she thought Nicole saw in her was the only girl that she wanted to be. She needed Nicole to be okay, to be there, because she just needed _Nicole._ She needed her best friend.

 

After bumping into Nicole, she stood, stunned, and as she hadn’t recovered quickly enough to see where Nicole had run off to, Waverly decided to text her.

 

_Waverly 12:42 PM_

Hey, are you okay? Where did you go? Do you need to talk?

 

_Nicole 12:44 PM_

(...)

 

_Nicole 12:47 PM_

No. I’m fine.

 

_Waverly 12:48 PM_

Uh, you sure? You definitely don’t seem fine.

 

_Nicole 1:03 PM_

I’m fine.

 

_Waverly 1:05 PM_

Did I upset you or something?

 

_Nicole 1:05 PM_

(...)

 

Nothing. The text bubble appeared and disappeared. Waverly didn’t even know what to think at this point. Nicole was always so positive, so steady and grounded, so strong. She was the best basketball player Waverly, and Purgatory High, had ever seen. She was near the top of her class. She had so many friends. But Nicole Haught never acted the way she was acting now, especially to Waverly. What was her problem?

 

She began toward her next class, her brain fogged with thoughts of Nicole and what she could’ve possibly done to mess things up. It didn’t really cross her mind that it could have nothing to do with her at all.

 

Once she arrived in her AP History classroom, her teacher, who insisted on being called Juan Carlo, jumped into the content immediately, and her mind switched from Nicole-centered to history mode. And that’s how she continued her day. That is, until she met Wynonna at her locker at the end of the day.

 

“Hey! So, how were your classes?”

 

“The usual. Stupid, boring, pointless. Hey at least I’m good at English. I’m like a walking thesaurus. Though I got to see John Henry. First time in a week. The actual first thing he said to me when I saw him this morning was, and I quote, ‘Hey darlin’, how do you like the ‘stache?’And he pointed at the skinny tie maiming his face and I was very tempted to walk away. He’s lucky that crazy southern-sounding drawl works for him. Otherwise I’d ditch his ass so fast. Probably for Dolls,” Wynonna rambled on as she smirked at her own quip. “What about you?”

 

“Yeah, why is Doc like that anyway? I don’t understand it,” She said distractedly. “But, classes were okay, I guess. I don’t know,” Waverly said as they walked out of the building.

 

Wynonna could tell she wasn’t acting normal, but was herself distracted looking for Nicole’s bright red Pontiac in the parking spot they left it in this morning. Waverly, looking for the same thing, knew, though, in her heart that Nicole wouldn’t be there. The way she’d run off this morning, her text messages, all signs pointed toward an empty parking spot. And that’s exactly what they found.

 

“Hey, where’d Nicole park this morning? I thought it was here?” Wynonna pointed at an empty spot between an ancient Buick and a Ford that looked as though it’d recently been in a bad accident.

 

“Uh, yeah it was? Did she- did she just _leave_? I knew she wasn’t feeling well earlier but I didn’t expect _this_.” Waverly was feeling a strong concern for Nicole’s well-being well up in her gut. She wouldn’t leave them like that. Would she?

 

“Well. What do we do now?” Wynonna asked, scanning her eyes across the parking lot as if Nicole had just pulled her car into another spot to mess with them and hadn’t actually left them.

 

“I guess we walk,” Waverly said. “Should we go to her house and see if she’s okay?”

 

“Absolutely not. She just left us. If she’s looking for attention this way, she won’t get it from me. Do whatever you want. I’m not going to go kiss her ass after she left us both here in the dust,” Wynonna said and started walking west, in the general direction of the Homestead. Waverly stood there and watched her leave, wondering if she should go see if Nicole was okay. It was fairly clear that Nicole didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially her, right now, but she couldn’t help the nagging feeling in her gut. It was the feeling that was screaming at her that she wanted Nicole to not be mad at her, that wanted Nicole to be okay. She started walking towards Nicole’s house, away from Wynonna’s fading figure.

 

In the deepest part of her soul, a part that her consciousness was only vaguely aware of, she felt the selfish desire to be the person that makes Nicole feel better. To go to her house and comfort her with whatever she was feeling right now, and for no one else to comfort her. She wanted Nicole to see her as the same safe place that Waverly viewed her as. Selfishly, she was glad that Wynonna didn’t want to go see her and make sure she was okay, because that would mean that Waverly would have to take a back seat, Wynonna might’ve even sent her home. But no, now it was up to Waverly to see what was up with her best friend, and see how she could help her. And that was the only thing in the world that mattered to her.

 

* * *

 

 

The walk wouldn’t have been that long if it hadn’t been just Waverly, alone with her thoughts. They raced a mile a minute, from Nicole’s well-being to her own selfish desires about taking care of her. As she got closer to the house, the most obvious thing she noticed was that Nicole’s car was not in the driveway where she had expected it to be.

 

“What the hell, Nicole,” Waverly muttered as she stood on the sidewalk in front of the empty blue house. She had to make a decision. Should she stay or should she go and just hope that Nicole was okay, wherever she was, whatever she was doing. But, Waverly couldn’t, in good conscience, leave knowing Nicole was out there somewhere, and she couldn’t go find her because she had neither a car, nor any idea of where on earth she could possibly be right now.

 

She walked up to the front steps of the house, there wasn’t much of a porch, and she wanted Nicole to see her when she got home anyway. So, she sat down and waited. And waited a little longer. She took out her notebooks from today and began to look at the syllabi of her classes. She checked her phone over and over again, waiting for a text from Nicole apologizing for leaving them and (or) telling her not to worry about where she was, she was fine. Or a text in which Nicole told her that she was, in fact, not fine, and needed Waverly to be there for her. She waited for something. But there was nothing. And the longer she sat on the porch in the warm afternoon sun, the more resentful she became of Nicole’s actions. She wanted answers. Why was she sitting here, like an idiot, waiting for someone who obviously doesn’t care enough to let her know she’s okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Waverly is probably not everyone's favorite person right now but don't be mad at her! She can't decide how to feel about Nicole right now and she can't push far enough past her own feelings to understand what she's going through.


	3. if there’s been a fool around (it’s got to be me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Nicole-

When Nicole got to the restroom, she ran into the furthest stall and locked herself in. She leaned back against the door and put her head down and breathed heavily. It wasn’t because she was out of breath, though; the situation was just too much for her. She could still feel the heat of Waverly’s fingers on her shoulders, almost as if they were branded into her skin, a permanent mark of what she could not have, what she could not _want_.

 

Her phone buzzed and she sighed and pulled it out of her back pocket. _Waverly_. What could she want from Nicole? Where was she? Finally away from you. How was she? Decidedly not good. She tried to lock the phone and put it back in her pocket, but her fingers had separated from her central nervous system and decided to start typing out an answer. Short and sweet would probably be the best. Don’t give too much away and she might decide to stop asking.

 

As she was answering Waverly’s insistent questions, her heart rate still felt like it was climbing. She was starting to feel a little dizzy, a little out of control. She couldn’t keep talking to Waverly. She had to stop. She put away her phone when Waverly asked if she had upset Nicole, took a few deep breaths, and left the restroom. At this point, classes were in session, so the hallways were void of any students or teachers. She made a direct path to her locker, without even thinking. Once she got there, she grabbed her backpack and her car keys and made for a side exit. If she had gone through the main entrance/exit, the teacher stationed there would have caught her and sent her to the office for leaving in the middle of the day. Especially because it was the first day.

 

She unlocked her car, got in, and pulled out with rubber squealing. She didn’t have a destination in mind. She could’ve gone home, her mom wouldn’t be there, but if she stopped _doing_ she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from _thinking._ So she drove. And drove.

 

-

 

After what seemed like forever, she looked at her dashboard clock. It read 3:23 PM. She had been driving for over two hours now. She looked around and she was in the middle of nowhere, but that didn’t surprise her because all of Purgatory _was_ the middle of nowhere. But, it would take her another two hours to get home. She made a U-turn and started driving back towards the town. It was a good thing that Purgatory only had one road in and out, because though Nicole was good with directions, right now her mind was so far elsewhere she wouldn’t be able to find the ground under her feet.

 

She knew that once she got back to Purgatory, whatever was waiting there wouldn’t be fun. She would have to answer to Wynonna for leaving her and Waverly behind. Waverly would want to know what the _hell_ she had been thinking because all Waverly did was think of others first and if they were alright and Nicole couldn’t deal with that right now. She couldn’t deal with Waverly being here and she couldn’t deal with the press of her fingers that was burned into her shoulders, down to the bone, that she could still feel after all these hours. She couldn’t deal with the fact that she’s spent years knowing how she felt but pushing, stomping, beating down her feelings until they started rearing their head during the summer and weren’t going _away_ anymore and Waverly was always here, always giving those feelings the strength they need to push through every defense her soul could muster and it won’t _stop_ and she doesn’t know what to **_do_**.

 

Whatever words Wynonna had would be strong and harsh, and in a way she needed that shock to the system to get her mind off of what it was glued to. But it wouldn’t last, with things like this Wynonna is apt to forgive (maybe) and forget (definitely) and jump to whatever adventure she felt like next. But she felt her phone vibrate a lot during the drive, something she registered far in the back of her mind, unconsciously. She knew that some of them were from Wynonna with the beginning of tearing Nicole a new one for leaving them. But, she also knew that a great majority of them were from the younger Earp and every time her mind wandered in that direction her stomach twisted.

 

-

 

Once she was back into Purgatory proper, she was able to focus. She drove the familiar streets back to her home and parked in the _shockingly_ empty driveway. However, though the driveway was empty, her front porch steps were not.

 

Waverly Earp, glowering at her from her front porch. Her hands were on her hips and her eyes were sharp and her mouth was set in a line so thin that Nicole absently wondered where her lips had run off to (and even more absently wished they’d come back because she liked (loved) Waverly’s lips).

 

When she pulled in, Nicole might’ve considered backing out of the drive and going back where she had come from, but she would never admit that.

 

“Where on Earth have you been, Nicole Haught?” Waverly’s shrill voice reverberated inside of Nicole’s head like a thousand knives, ripping their way through the closed doors and windows of her Pontiac, through the low thrum of the radio. She took a deep breath and collected herself as best she could, given the situation, turned the car off, and got out. Outside of the car she felt more vulnerable than she had ever felt before and she just didn’t know what to do. Should she ignore Waverly and go inside and lock the door? Should she be as vague as her text messageswere and risk alienating her? Should she just tell Waverly? Oh, no definitely not.

 

Another deep breath, still unmoving. “Driving,” Nicole muttered. Waverly’s expression darkened, her eyes were so narrowed that Nicole couldn’t tell if they were even open anymore.

 

“Yes, Nicole, I could see that. What the _hell_ is your problem? You’re quiet at lunch, your replies to my messages were vague, and you are _gone_ when Wynonna and I got to the parking lot. We had to walk home. Well, Wynonna did. I came here because she was pissed at you and I needed to know if you were okay. I’ve been sitting here for over two hours, Nicole. What have you been doing? Oh, wait, my bad, I already know that, don’t I? You’ve been _driving_.” As Waverly went on, her voice got louder and louder, and by the end she was most definitely shouting.

 

Nicole just stared at Waverly, wide-eyed and speechless. She’d never heard Waverly raise her voice before. And now it was at Nicole. She felt sick, surprised, embarrassed, and a little scared, all simultaneously. What could she say to Waverly that wouldn’t damn her further? She was not looking for excuses, she was looking for answers, and Nicole couldn’t provide those for her. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”

 

“You cannot be serious. Nicole, I want you to tell me what happened to you today. You were fine when you picked us up, and then at lunch you got weird. When Champ mentioned the party. Is that it? The party? God, Nicole, if you don’t want to go to the party then don’t go. Screw what Wynonna wants, if it’s going to make you do stuff like this. Just don’t go.”

 

Waverly had given her the perfect cop out. Blaming her behavior on the party, quick and easy, already what Waverly had expected. It’s perfect. “Yeah, Wave, the party. I really didn’t want to go. I hate parties.” She exhaled a breath she felt like she’d been holding for the entire interaction and started toward the house. When Waverly heard her answer, she dropped her arms and moved to the side when Nicole came up the stairs toward the front door. While Nicole was fumbling for the right key, Waverly sighed and walked up behind her.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were so against going to the party. I wouldn’t have let Wynonna drag you into it had I known.” When she finished speaking, there was silence between the two of them as Waverly followed Nicole into the empty house without asking. They set their bags and shoes down by the door and Nicole wandered into the kitchen, Waverly close behind. Nicole didn’t know what else to say to her, she felt bad enough about perpetuating a lie, especially to Waverly, but she couldn’t let such a good excuse pass her by.

 

“Still…what exactly about the party was it that bothered you so much?” Waverly asked tentatively. “It’s just a few hours of music, and all of our classmates getting super inebriated. It’s not like you have to dance or drink, you could just hang out. Wynonna will be there, you could just stay with her.”

 

Nicole scoffed, “Yeah, Wynonna will be there, but so will Doc, so I don’t think there will be much hanging out. Seriously, I just don’t want to be there when I could be literally anywhere else.” She couldn’t make eye contact with Waverly, couldn’t face this lie that she kept adding to head on.

 

Waverly let the quiet last, watching Nicole with a peculiar look on her face, almost as though she knew that there were more to what was happening here (she was smart enough to tell that much), but she couldn’t put her finger on it. And since she couldn’t put her finger on it, she didn’t want to voice the concern because it would put Nicole further on edge than she already was.

 

Before the silence could seep too far into her skin, Nicole turned on her heel and reached into a cabinet above the sink. She pulled down two glasses and filled them with water. She set one on the counter by the fridge where she had been leaning during their very uncomfortable interaction, and walked the other glass over to where Waverly was standing, in the doorway of the kitchen, and handed it to her without saying anything. She walked back to her counter and leaned her elbows back against it, looking down at her feet, letting her hair block the setting of the kitchen, of Waverly, out from her eyes.

 

Waverly sipped her water and, thinking, didn’t notice that her gaze had fallen on Nicole without meaning for it to.

 

“Why are you staring at me?” Nicole asked.

 

“Sorry?”

 

“You’re staring at me.”

 

“Oh, uh, sorry. I was just thinking.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Nicole paused, and before she could stop herself asked, “Thinking about what?”

 

Waverly looked at her, trying to gasp Nicole’s intent, her interest. Was she asking just to ask, or asking because she wanted the answer?

 

“About the party. About Champ. How he acted today…he left a lot to be desired,” Waverly said.

 

“Yeah, that tends to be the case when there’s nothing to desire to begin with,” Nicole muttered under her breath. When she looked up, she realized she had not said that quietly enough. “What? Champ is the worst. He only thinks about himself, he constantly cheats on you, even though, yes, I know, you guys aren’t ‘together’. He can’t even remember Jeremy’s name and he’s gone to school with us for, like, ever. He’s just…he’s the worst.”

 

Waverly didn’t say anything in response. It was partly because she knew Nicole wasn’t done with expressing her disdain from him and partly because she couldn’t say much to defend herself. All of what Nicole said about him was true. He was completely egocentric, cheated time and again, and as evidenced at lunch that afternoon, couldn’t remember Jeremy’s name. She chose to focus on what few good qualities Champ had because there weren’t a whole lot of people lined up to date Waverly Earp. So, she waited for Nicole to go on, and after a few deep breaths, she did.

 

“I think you deserve better, Waverly. I think Champ is the worst and you deserve the best.” Nicole’s eyes flitted toward the brunette’s as she spoke but didn’t hold her gaze. “Why…why do you keep going back to him? After he’s hurt you so many times.”

 

When Nicole realized she had asked that question, she avoided Waverly’s eyes like the plague, and missed seeing the hazel gaze soften slightly towards her.

 

“I don’t know why I stay with him. I mean people like us together. Samantha Baker said that we were the ‘Royal Couple of Purg High’, whatever _that_ means -” “- what the hell do these people think Champ is royalty? He’s just a royal douche.” “- but I think it’s a bit of a stretch. I don’t know, Nicole. Maybe I’m with him because why not? He likes me, he always comes back, and he can be thoughtful if he tries. The other day he brought me lunch. He ate most of it, but it was the thought that counted. I mean, come on, Nicole. How many people do you see lining up to date an Earp? Wynonna has such a bad reputation, no one wants to be seen with me. I’ll take what I can get at this point, and Champ is what I got right now. It could be so much worse. Why does it even matter who I date, Nicole? It has nothing to do with you. Don’t you want me to be happy?”

 

“Of course I do, Waves. How could you even ask that?”

 

“I don’t know, Nicole. You just keep...you keep pulling away from me and you’re the one person that I thought I could count on and you just aren’t there. We barely saw each other over the summer and now you will barely talk to me. I just want my best friend back, Nicole,” Waverly said quietly.

 

“I could go get Chrissy if you want,” Nicole jerked her thumb towards the door.

 

“No, you asshole. You. You’re my best friend.” Not knowing how to respond to that, Nicole stayed silent. She looked around the kitchen, trying and failing to keep the smug smile off her face.

 

“So,” Waverly said trying to break the silence that had grown awkward in the kitchen.

 

“So.”

 

“I don’t want you to pull away from me anymore, Nicole. I want you in my life. I want to be in yours. Why don’t you just come to the party. We can hang out. It’ll be fun! I want to see you there,” Waverly pleaded.

 

“I’m not going to be able to avoid this party, huh?” Nicole asked, a ghost of a smile playing on her face.

 

“Nope! It’s settled then. You’re coming with me.” Waverly wore a smug smile as she walked to the sink to put her glass down. She quickly pressed a kiss to Nicole’s cheek, walked out of the kitchen to get her bag, and out of the house.

 

Nicole stood in stunned silence, her cheek burning. Maybe she made the right decision.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! This is my first fic so any feedback is appreciated! Hope you enjoy! :)


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